She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
