Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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