Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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