is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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