I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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