i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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