Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
