i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
