Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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