There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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