I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
