Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
