At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
accomplished twins. life is a go
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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