Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
