"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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