if you like me you must not know who I am
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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