bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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