She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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