Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
