Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
sex in a hospital.. check
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
