This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
