Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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