hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
