im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
