Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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