I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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