what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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