Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
