One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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