Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
