So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
that is very illegal...i love you.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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