There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The police scanner is talking about you again....
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Randomize
