She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
