i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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