I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
