im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
