The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
