do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
