i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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