dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
