i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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