TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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