I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
