real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
