There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
