did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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