In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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