Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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