That's intense
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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