the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
