Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
